Monday, May 19, 2008

Trying to find a balance

…between clarity and pain relief.

I wouldn’t need a brain, if I didn’t have to try to work on a reflection paper. I’m only going to my afternoon class—and only because it is that class; my instructor’s been a rock and I know she wants to see me, and all we’re going to do is turn in evaluations (done; it was easy) and have social time. Oh, and chapel, too—but that doesn’t require higher functioning, just the ability to walk there. My balance is still off, but it isn’t very far, and there are railings at the stairs.

Just now, I don’t remember where I left my toothbrush. But I can’t blame one Vicodin for that, alas. I brought it back from my friends’ bathtub last night, and chose not to leave it in the bathroom, because my shelf was already too full. So there’s a Ziploc bag somewhere in my bedroom, with toothbrush, soap, and all that sort of thing. And now I get to find it. When I’m supposedly not allowed to bend.

I also ought to do laundry, but carrying it down the hall to the elevator daunts me. I have a few more days’ worth, I think. (How can I possibly not lift, for two weeks?)

I feel like a Borg, with a weird implant in me. My ear mainly tickles; my neck itches and hurts. The tape comes off in three days, yay. It’s a stiffness that’s horribly distracting.

The itch means it’s healing; and that is a good thing, she says through gritted teeth.

I have, incubating in me, a post about bodies and our relationship to them. I’m intrigued by how long it’s taking me to find my own way back in, and I’m thinking about the gift of the body, fragility, strength. Probably not today, though; judging from the mental presence that I still don’t really have.

6 comments:

Caminante said...

Prayers continue!

re: mind/body split (the unfortunate legacy of Paul and gnosticism)...

I love Saint Francis' calling our body, 'sister.'

And I always think of our body as an incredibly fragile ecosystem. When it works well, it works miraculously. It doesn't take much to throw this ecosystem out of kilter and when that happens, so goes the spirit and soul, yet another tripod :)

Those thoughts lead me always back to Psalm 139.13:
I will thank you because I am marvellously made....

(Do I qualify yet as a bible-banger? smile.. the psalms simply come from years of praying the daily office.)

FranIAm said...

What Caminante said! And what she said so well.

So many prayers for you!!

johnieb said...

Ask a friend to do your laundry with you; if I were closer, I'd be glad to be able to do something so needed and practical.

Grandmère Mimi said...

Pace yourself, love. Prayers continue. I wish I could do your laundry for you, too. I know you're an independent type, but sometimes you need to ask. If you want to mail the dirty laundry in....

Leslie said...

The laundry will wait! All things will wait! The Lord wants you to rest and heal,vkxngymd and so do I.
Christ's Love,
Leslie :)

Mary Beth said...

praying.