Wednesday, May 21, 2008

This time last year

I was busy, buried, and mad at the world. Now, I’m in a space my soul has never been in—and I’m being given time and grace to be here.

My friends, the class I entered with, are graduating in two days. (I decided long ago to extend my time. That had nothing to do with the cancer, and everything to do with growing up.) The semester ends on Friday. Normally, I’d be writing furiously now. Past springs, I always had late work to finish.

I have the time to be, and to process, and to live.

Got an e-mail this morning from my homiletics prof (and academic dean); she said we needed to talk about my finishing, and offered me an incomplete. I replied that I’d sent her an e-mail last night, asking for one, and thanked her for watching out for me. I went to the registrar to get the form, and bumped into said faculty on the way. She focused completely on my needs. She totally trusts me to take care of this. I know I will—but her respect for where I am, touched me.

So I’m taking the incomplete, but not extending it. I won’t be sick until after the first week of June. I know I can finish these reflections by the end of May.

Everybody has my back: friends, faculty, and those who are both. I never knew how supportive this community could be, until I needed it. I keep being amazed by that—not because I thought they couldn’t; but because they are, so completely. I wish I had a way to thank them.

I came in a little while ago, from getting gelato with two friends. We were (most of) a small group together; my dropping out pretty much coincided with my diagnosis. One couldn't come; she's nursing a sinus infection. The three of us walked down to the Naia place at Cal; got our gelato (Scharffenberger and strawberry, yum), went outside to eat. It was the first time I’d walked anywhere since my surgery. We talked a long time, about things that seminarians consider normal life. My illness and I were not the focus; nor did I want to be. It was easy, free, and fun—and the day is beautiful.

Came home to a get-well card from a bunch of people at church (thank you), and am writing this while I’m doing laundry. Going to Evensong later.

I have the time to taste this. I will have time to process it. Life is really wonderful.


FranIAm said...

I loved reading this post - you are so wise and living with such grace.

God bless you sister!!!

Kirstin said...

Thank you, Fran. As I said, I've been given the time.