Showing posts with label Seasons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Seasons. Show all posts

Saturday, April 03, 2010

Ikon: The Harrowing of Hell


Down through the tomb's inward arch
He has shouldered out into Limbo
to gather them, dazed, from dreamless slumber:
the merciful dead, the prophets,
the innocents just His own age and those
unnumbered others waiting here
unaware, in an endless void He is ending
now, stooping to tug at their hands,
to pull them from their sarcophagi,
dazzled, almost unwilling. Didmas,
neighbor in death, Golgotha dust
still streaked on the dried sweat of his body
no one had washed and anointed, is here,
for sequence is not known in Limbo;
the promise, given from cross to cross
at noon, arches beyond sunset and dawn.
All these He will swiftly lead
to the Paradise road: they are safe.
That done, there must take place that struggle
no human presumes to picture:
living, dying, descending to rescue the just
from shadow, were lesser travails
than this: to break
through earth and stone of the faithless world
back to the cold sepulchre, tearstained
stifling shroud; to break from them
back into breath and heartbeat, and walk
the world again, closed into days and weeks again,
wounds of His anguish open, and Spirit
streaming through every cell of flesh
so that if mortal sight could bear
to perceive it, it would be seen
His mortal flesh was lit from within, now,
and aching for home. He must return,
first, in Divine patience, and know
hunger again, and give
to humble friends the joy
of giving Him food--fish and a honeycomb.

--Denise Levertov

Monday, February 23, 2009

Preparing for Lent

I love Lent. I didn’t realize I did, but I do. And we’re not even quite there yet.

I need this quiet time. I need to focus, with as much clear-heartedness as I can, on God and what roots me. I’m going back to my mindfulness post of two days ago—that’s where I need to go digging.

It’s not about punishment, penance, guilt, giving something up for the sake of depriving yourself. It’s about stripping everything down, so that you are holding nothing between yourself and God. (Taking off the fig leaves, if you will.) It’s about remembering who we are, who God is. It’s about knowing that we hunger for nothing, more than the bread of life.

When I was a kid, I gave up chocolate. But I didn’t know what I was talking about. Later, I took on a practice, instead—usually a prayer journal. This blog has, in its own way, become that.

Fasting from excess would be a great idea—but I don’t know that I have any, right now. I still don’t eat much; I almost never even want things like desserts. My body is still laying low, still tired to the bone. I don’t overspend. The only thing I really waste time on is the internet. It’s tricky, because there is community there, and I value interacting with my friends. But I need to recognize when I’m actively engaging, and when I’m clicking “refresh” on Crackbook status updates just because I’m bored.

What I’m really after is mindfulness. Being alive to the life all around me. Being present to the people and things that speak to me, touch me, ask for my attention. Living with an open heart.

I’m already on the edges of this, and I really want to grasp it.

I can see the thought process going, “You can’t go online now; it’s the middle of the day. Go talk to somebody, instead.” So the only thing to do there, is specifically delineate the time. I’m already wanting to.

There’s something also appealing, about fasting from something that I need. Jesus went to the desert for 40 days. Obviously, I can’t not eat or drink for six weeks. I need to support my body's healing. I need to drink enough water; I need to eat healthy food. I need to wear adequate clothing when I go outside.

[Fast from shooting myself… oh, don’t tempt me.]

If I had a waterproof stopwatch, I'd take it into the shower. God knows I use too much water. But that's a grey area too, because the hot water on my skin soothes my aches, and helps me. When I was well, I could bounce in and out. Now I turn it on, climb in, and melt against the wall until I'm together enough to wash.

I don’t know exactly what it would mean, to fast from a necessary thing. But the idea just popped into my head, of spending one day a week in the Tenderloin, or the Haight, or the Mission. Not necessarily finding a place to volunteer, although it could grow into that. But just being there, doing my own little “street retreat,” watching and listening, talking to people when they talk to me. Seeing how to live, and find joy, with less than the basics. Finding out, from them, what is real.

I really want to do both of these things—restrict my online time, and go live in the world. This is the kind of Lent that makes sense to me. It’s all about exploring.

I’m also thinking about structuring prayer. I notice myself praying, when I write these. Or when I’m in chapel, or church, when people are singing and the music washes through me. Or when I light a candle for a friend. I don’t set aside time, to sit and talk with God. It comes in the course of life. I wonder what would happen, if I consciously held that door open more?

Jane, your book came the other day. Reading that could be a practice, too.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

A blessed Holy Week to all

I haven't written anything of note here in awhile. It's not so much a dry time, as a busy-elsewhere time. I was sick, then busy catching up. I still have lots of work to do. Beyond that, there are threads floating around my head, and things I'm involved in that will bear their fruit later--but there's really nothing compelling me to write, right now. But here we are.

I just came from a Palm Sunday service at St. Anne's, Stockton. It's a friendly, nice community. This was my first time here; I know the rector slightly. It's really a joy to worship in this diocese, since the siege has been lifted. There's a lightness, a sense of possibility, that hasn't been here before. I might possibly do field ed in San Joaquin; I'm praying and talking with people. My home diocese is California, but my best friend lives here, and I've been keeping close tabs all along.

I'm going to find a Tenebrae service on my side of the Bay, because I love them and haven't been to one in ages. Thursday through Sunday, I'll be at St. A's--but I don't have any commitments there until Easter morning. (I love, love, love the Vigil--especially the way we do it.)

Interspersed through all of this... writing a couple of papers, getting enough done before Spring Break. I'm going up then to work at the Ranch for most of the week, and back early to attend the San Joaquin diocesan convention. It's a new day here.

Resurrection is coming, for and in and through all of us. Thanks be to God.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Lenten Friday Five (on Saturday morning)

Stolen from Paul, who stole it from Diane, who got it from RGBP.

1. Did you celebrate Mardi Gras and/or Ash Wednesday this week? How?

I wore beads to class on Tuesday; does that count? A few that I'd gotten from a tourist trap in the Quarter, and some from church. I didn’t quite dare wear my Mardi Gras hat to school. We had Carnival last Sunday at church, wherein I juggled banner and beads (not entirely successfully), got homesick for New Orleans, and was happy that my church in San Francisco was as much into the festivities as they were. (It was weird to be back on this planet, though.)

Ash Wednesday: Ashes, both in chapel at school and at church that night. A friend and I rode BART there and back together; it was nice to have the company.

2. What was your most memorable Mardi Gras/Ash Wednesday/Lent?

Gosh, I don’t know… maybe one year (in the late ‘90s) when I didn’t give up anything, but a housemate gave up chocolate. I hoarded Cadbury eggs all that season, and gave them to her on Easter morning.

She was doing the church thing; I was involved in my interfaith community. That was the first year I kept a Lenten prayer journal. I’ve done it off and on, since.

3. Did you/your church/your family celebrate Lent as a child? If not, when and how did you discover it?

You don’t “celebrate” Lent; you observe it. I don’t remember giving anything up until high school, when one year I gave up chocolate. I certainly didn’t take anything on, in those years. I think my mom gave things up, but I don’t remember what or how regularly. So the clearest answer is, “sort of.”

I discovered it truly (as truly as I have), the year when I hit on the journal idea. I don’t remember doing Lent at all, for years before that. I knew I was missing something, but I wasn’t completely ready to go fully back to the faith. I could have gone to church, but wouldn’t.

It’s amazing how we keep ourselves in exile.

4. Are you more in the give-up camp, or the take-on camp, or somewhere in between?

I wish I could steal Paul’s answer:

I am in the slow down, de-clutter your life, and fall in love with God again camp….I believe most of our giving up is superficial, often silly, and self-deluding and would vote for giving up despising ourselves. That might go a long way toward re-learning to love God and others.

Alas, I don’t know how to slow down in my last semester of school. It’s not the same as flakery (which I’m good at); it takes a depth of intention, and focus, and planning, and discipline, that I don’t know if I have.

I gave up despising myself last fall, but it’s still a battle.

I am in love with God—but so much builds up between me and that reality, I don’t often remember just to be there. If I could give up anything, just because I choose to, it would be anxiety about me and what God's calling me to and homework and last term and where I'm going to do field ed and where I'm going to live and how I'm going to pay for it and student loans and getting my brakes fixed and...

Hmm. If I can breathe that, I can pray it. If I can pray it, I know I'm not alone.

5. How do you plan to keep Lent this year?

I planned to do the journal thing, and I still think I’d like to. But honestly? I’m looking out the window at a beautiful spring morning. The best thing for me, in this season, would be to take lots of walks.

As far away from Holy Hill as I can.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Looking for Lenten practices

I don't believe in giving things up; I'm more interested in taking things on, and I don't need encouragement to punish myself. I have friends who have gone vegetarian for Lent, and I was one, year-round, for more than 15 years. I respect that choice, very much, but I'm not following it. The reasons I'm not, now, have partly to do with the vegetarian options at school (sometimes great, often not), and partly because I spend a lot of time with omnivorous friends. I don't want to ask them to change for me.

It's very, very easy to beat myself up; my practice in this season needs to be gentle. I've pretty much decided to revive my on-again, off-again prayer journal. I may do the Ignatian examen in that context.

What are you doing for Lent?

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Bah humbug!

Merry Christmas!

And God bless us, every one.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Friday Poetry Blogging: Light in, around, and for us

I am, absolutely, Christian. And I have some fairly strong pagan leanings. I believe in the Christ-child born in each of us. And I know that after the darkest day, the light returns. It has never fully left us, and it never will.

We are living in a dark time. But each of our lives is a reason for hope, whether or not you believe in the Incarnation. I have far too many friends who are up to their elbows in working for good, to ever doubt that. Some call it the kindom of God; some call it healing our Mother. Either way, the work gets done.

Neither of these offerings is exactly poetry. One is Scripture; the other is a chant that I used to sing every winter at Solstice gatherings and in my interfaith community. Let the truth in each, settle into your hearts. Take strength and energy from that which feeds you. And sing along with what you know.

Happy Solstice, everyone!
***

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it. --John 1:1-5, NRSV


Light is returning,
Even though this is the darkest hour
No one can hold
Back the dawn

Let's keep it burning,
Let's keep the light of hope alive
Make safe our journey
Through the storm

One planet is turning,
Circle on her path around the sun
Earth mother is calling
Her children home.
--Charlie Murphy

Saturday, December 08, 2007

I know it isn't Friday

...but here is a poem, and an Advent offering.

I’m involved in a discussion over at Buddhapalian’s, stemming from today’s Daily Office readings. Specifically, this passage from Amos:

Take away from me the noise of your songs; I will not listen to the melody of your harps. But let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an everflowing stream. (Amos 5:23-24)

The call for justice and righteousness stirs me, deeply. The implication (fleshed out more, over there) that unless we walk our talk well, our worship is not acceptable, is troubling to me.

I’m sorting that out. Meanwhile, when I woke this morning, I remembered the last lines of this poem/prayer. All of it is worth sharing, in this Advent season. The lessons are all about the coming of the Kindom. We are preparing ourselves to receive anew the Christ, this tiny, helpless, squalling child who grew into full stature as human and as God. Born to Mary and as one of us, this infant was committed from before time, to the redemption of the world. The child came, to reconcile us to the One who created us. He came to teach us, to heal us, to laugh and play and work and grieve with us. To show us how to live, and to show us how to love. He stood up for those who couldn’t stand for themselves. He healed the most despised of the outcasts. He was able to be moved, when the Canaanite woman caught him in the wrong.

The Incarnation of God’s love and justice is, always and again, waiting to be born: to us, and with us, and in us.

You and I cannot become God. But we are called—commanded—to become fully human. It’s dawning on me, what an incredible grace, and responsibility, we are given.
***

God signs to us
we cannot read
She shouts
we take cover
She shrugs
and trains leave
the tracks

Our schedules! we moan
Our loved ones

God is fed up
All the oceans she gave us
All the fields
All the acres of steep seedful forests
And we did what
Invented the Great Chain
of Being and
the chain saw
Invented sin

God sees us now
gorging ourselves &
starving our neighbors
starving ourselves &
storing our grain
& She says

I’ve had it
you cast your trash
upon the waters—
it’s rolling in

You stuck your fine fine finger
into the mystery of life
to find death

& you did
you learned how to end
the world
in nothing flat

Now you come crying
to your mommy
Send us a miracle
Prove that you exist

Look at your hand, I say
Listen to your sacred heart
Do you have to haul the tide in
sweeten the berries on the vine

I set you down
a miracle among miracles
You want more
It’s your turn
You show me

--George Ella Lyon, included in Life Prayers. HarperSanFrancisco, 1996.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

In search of Advent practices

Advent snuck up on me this year. I know it’s a time of preparation, but I’ve never felt the need for an individual practice, like I do now. My church is deliberately avoiding the Lenten connection; we’re consciously using blue instead of purple. I’m fine with that—but I feel more like I need a Lenten-ish practice now. I’ve normally done weekly community practices; either helped design them at my church, or with friends. This year, that isn’t happening. And I don’t feel particularly penitential, but I need to hold the waiting.

I linked to the EDOW Advent Calendar, and that is an option—but I’m too ‘net-addicted, as it is. I need something offline. I have an Advent devotional that I could use, but I don’t want to follow daily suggestions—just hold the space, in prayer. And I don’t have time to write daily meditations, like my friend Buddhapalian is (although I certainly go there, and read them).

When I look ahead of me, all I see is busy-ness until 12/14. Then I’ll go to the Apostle in Exile's house and crash for a couple of weeks. I need to hold the sacred space in my own heart, within all of this.

I’m sure I could come up with something, but my friends are my best resource. For five or ten minutes a day, what are you doing, to hallow the waiting?

Thank you.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Advent 2007



From the Episcopal Diocese of Washington, here is an interactive Advent calendar. Clicking on the photograph will take you there. Each day, you don't get chocolate--you get a carol, a meditation, that day's Daily Office readings, and a giving opportunity. (Yesterday's linked to the Heifer Project, which you can still contribute to.) The art displayed is from the creche at the Cathedral.

h/t Grandmere Mimi.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

RevGalBlogPals Friday Five (on Saturday night): Summer

1. Favorite summer food(s) and beverage(s)

I love summer fruit; peaches and raspberries, especially. When it’s too hot to eat, gazpacho is my favorite thing in the world.

For a beverage, ginger-peach iced tea. Yum.

2. Song that "says" summer to you. (Need not be about summer explicitly.)

Don Henley, “Boys of Summer.” (Child of the ‘80s, I guess.)
Joni Mitchell, "Circle Game." (See below.)

3. A childhood summer memory

Girl Scout camps, 1981-88. A week-long river canoe trip and the worst sunburn ever. Primitive camping. Taking the same blasted swim test in 55-degree Hood Canal every year. Being terrified of jumping off the pier--and then doing it. Sleeping on the dock, watching meteor showers. Campfire skits.

I still sing the songs in the shower sometimes.

4. An adult summer memory

Half her life ago now, watching the Lakefair fireworks on the state capitol lawn in Olympia, with a seven-year-old honorary-niece asleep in my lap. (She just turned 14; I haven’t seen the family since I moved to California.)

Also: free concerts in Sylvester Park, every July and August of my adulthood until two years ago.

5. Describe a wonderful summer day you'd like to have in the near future. (weather, location, activities)

I have the best summer job ever, right now. I work at a retreat center/church camp, with really great people. Every day here is good.

Optional: Does your place of worship do anything differently in the summer? (Fewer services, casual dress, etc.)

No on fewer services, and we dress casually anyway. I wish I could go to Pride with them this weekend, but the first round of camp starts tomorrow afternoon.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Happy Solstice, everyone!

Daylight comes and nighttime goes
Nighttime falls, day flies
Round and round the cycle goes
We live and then we die
And then we live and then we die.

The seasons of my life go 'round
The sunshine and the rain
The fallow and the fruitful days
The joy and then the pain
And then the joy and then the pain

Daylight comes and nighttime goes
Nighttime falls, day flies
Round and round the cycle goes
We live and then we die
And then we live and then we die.

As light below, so light above
So light in all we see
The light is in the act of love,
The light that sets us free
Yes, it's the light that sets us free.

Daylight comes and nighttime goes
Nighttime falls, day flies
Round and round the cycle goes
We live and then we die
And then we live and then we die.

Libby Roderick, "Song for Summer Solstice." On Thinking Like A Mountain, 1991.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Lent Begins

Here it is, Ash Wednesday morning, and I still don’t know what my discipline will be. There’s a lot that I need to work on: more regular prayer/silence time, better organization, less playing around on the internet, less self-doubt.

I think a good beginning would be getting up and going to Morning Prayer. Today, and all through Lent. I attend Eucharist almost daily; Evening Prayer sometimes. I never get up early in the morning. I’d have such a better start if I did.

There. I will do that. And I will work on the other topics. If I pray with them, they will change.

May your Lenten observances be fruitful.