Impossible question

“How are you?”

I don’t know. Even with good friends, I never know how to answer.

Physically: Recovering. Waiting for biopsy results. Healing well.

Emotionally, psychologically, spiritually: Just beginning to process, and there is so much.

Hearing this as a casual question irritates me, probably irrationally. I don’t have a casual answer. I may not have time (or want to take the time) to come up with a real one.

If you ask out of concern, I can hear it. If you’ve been connected with me through this, you know who you are (faculty and close friends). Don’t worry about these instructions. We’re already in a place of trust.

If you are a survivor yourself, or a loved one is, likewise you know how to meet me. Many have, and I am grateful.

If you don’t know me well, and you’ve never had a trauma to your body and your soul, you honestly can’t imagine. If you see me, don’t ask me how I am. Tell me you love me and you’re praying for me. How I am is always changing. Where I am is a place beyond words.

Connect with me there, and let me find ways to share with you.