Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Need to come up for air

The good news: I slept last night. Alleluia. I woke up without a headache, and it’s much less now than it had been.

I am so burned out on cancer. I’ve been doing this 24/7, every second I’m awake. I’m not just talking about blogging; but emailing, thinking, planning, feeling, telling people how I am when they ask. Some connections are right, and I still seek them: close friends; some teachers, people I’ve bonded with through this. I went to a party yesterday evening, and everyone knew why I was late. They knew why they hadn’t seen me in class. They were caring and concerned, and they did everything right—but it all gets to be too much.

I have things I need to take care of—but I know this hyperfocus isn’t mentally healthy.

Walking helps, of course—but even in that activity, I remember why I’m doing it. And it’s not simply because it feels good.

I’m having surgery in two days. I don’t know yet, how involved it will be: we’re hoping not very (she says, knowing they’re slicing her ear apart), but I won’t find out until tomorrow, probably. And I have schoolwork I need to get done.

How do you shake your brain out?


susan s. said...

Sushi! Sushi!

Do you still want a ride on Thursday?

Apostle In Exile said...

Hooray for sleep! How to shake your brain out--sleep some MORE!

johnieb said...

Have a Grandson (vicariously, of course; that's the "Grand" part) TODAY!! That gets yer attention! Fuck yer cancer!

Probably not for a few more hours: updates at Grandpa JohnieB's blog.

Anonymous said...

On a line in the sunshine dearie.

Oh --and my big fear about my cancer surgery was waking up tit-less. What would it be like....? I did wake up tit-less. It was hard at first. I liked my tits! But now my scars are my "grateful" reminder. You, too, will figure out what to do with it all --but that's not your job right now....one day at a time....

You're gonna be okay. Later. Just give your fears time and room. Much better than stuffing 'em.
You continue in my prayers --

susankay said...

One of these days you will need to go to a REALLY funny movie with no socially redeeming value. Laughter will shake your brain out.

Prayers and hugs.

Jane R said...

So glad you SLEPT.

And susankay is right.

Paul said...

Remember the redemptive power of silliness, my dear. Among its other virtues, it saves us from growing up into sour old people.

I'd happily share some of my silliness if I could think of anything, but some of the stuffing seems to have fallen out of my head.

Kirstin said...

Sleep... slowly catching up. Took me an hour this morning, to remember that I had a headache. It's a vague shadow, now. Good sign.

JohnieB, congratulations!

Margaret, bless you. I think this morning is a good time for laundry.

Silly movies... what's coming out this summer? I've been living under a grad-school rock.

Paul--that cracked me up.

Thank you all--for bearing with me. Ugh.