Wednesday, May 14, 2008

How to be with me, in the next while

I don’t know whether I’m going to be admitted. I don’t know what the surgeon’s going to want to do, beyond the excision of (on?) my ear. (I don’t even know if he has jury duty tomorrow.) I don’t know what kind of lymph involvement I do or don’t have. I really, really, really don’t want a neck dissection.

How you can support me right now:

If I need stuff brought to me, I’ll call someone at school who can contact a prefect to unlock my room. Don’t marvel at the mess; grab the packed bag on my bed. (They discourage you from bringing anything more than your body to ambulatory surgery.)

I’ve promised specific people that I’ll keep them posted. I will. They in turn can update others, as they choose. Beyond that, I’ll face the world as I’m able. Please don’t take it personally, if you don’t hear from me for awhile. This has taken, and is taking, an enormous emotional toll. It’s going to take me some time to recover from just this phase. (I’ll be sick to an unknown degree, for an unspecified amount of time, beginning in two weeks.)

Please don’t call me, until the weekend. If you do, I’d prefer you use my cell. (You can call the hospital for information about me.) The battery lasts a few days. I’m asking for this, because I can turn it off when I need to. It’s okay to call; just give me time to be up for talking.

I’m going to be loopy and out of it for a couple days; general anesthetic will do that. I may not be able to say or write more than, “I’m home.” Take that to mean: I’m safe; I’m okay, and coping. I will ask for what I need.

If I’m capable of updating, I’ll do it here. I may, or may not, give a friend my login info. Don’t worry if you don’t see anything for a few days. Pray, and send me love and healing.

When I do get online again, as soon as I’m capable I have schoolwork to do. I haven’t had the focus to spare—but I need to. The semester ends next Friday. Updating, and e-mails, will happen, but they’ve got to come between other things.

I really, really appreciate all of you. I also need to be in my own self right now, so intensely that it surprises me. If you don’t hear from me, know that you will. I want your e-mails—but I probably won’t answer all of them. When I read them, my heart says thank you.

Prayers and love, yes. Advice or requests, no. I can’t do for other people right now—even playful suggestions hit me wrong. I think it’s because there’s so little that I know, and less that I’m in control of. A friend just preached in class on knowing what is and is not your “table.” (She used a wait-staff motif.) I’m focused completely on my own plate; not because I want to be, but because I need that space. I need to do this on my own terms.

Love to all.

9 comments:

MikeF said...

Still praying - and even more so as surgery date approaches... "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well..." And they will, too. Romans 8.28 and all that...

Love & blessings

Mike

Paul said...

Lots of prayer and love from the swamps.

Lindy said...

Praying for you today, that you'll have all you need and be well cared for.

susan s. said...

Well, I don't know where else to put this. I dropped Kirstin off at the hospital 30 minutes ago. I wait for someone to call and tell me when to come to pick her up. The actual surgery is scheduled for 1:00pm PDT.

Anonymous said...

Kirsten,

I'll be winging prayers your way this afternoon and with plenty of good thoughts for your speedy recovery.

Hugs,

Suzanne

PseudoPiskie said...

Still praying and waiting for news.

Anonymous said...

Lit a candle for you --praying all day for you and your doctors and nurses and all those who care for you and love you.

{{{{Kirstin}}}}}

-margaret

Mimi said...

I love that you are able to identify your needs so clearly.

Love and hugs continue from here! Mwah!

Allie said...

Prayers, hugs, light and love headed your way.

I can't imagine what you are going through, but I pray that you will come out okay in the end.