Thursday, August 12, 2010

Treatment update-unclear news

This is for everyone who's not on my e-list.

Hi all,

I just got an e-mail from the program director in Riverside. Here is what she said:

Your PET scan is back and Dr G will talk to you on Aug 20 about it, he said he may continue on Biochemo but may also change to high dose, but wants to have a conversation with you.
I called her back and she clarified: there are some increases in tumor activity, but the amount is questionable. This means two things: we're not really clear about whether the treatment is working, and I have a week to not know whether I have a whole new regimen (high-dose Interleukin-2, with its own set of side effects) to get used to.

How am I? Short of panicky. Oddly, both worried and trusting. Preparing; I can feel myself gearing up, both for change and for news I don't want.

Pray, of course. Be here. Love me in whatever ways you think of; I need that right now.



Anonymous said...

So many prayers from here - prayers of presence, love, solidarity and faith. I love you in all of these ways and more and walk with you even from afar.

(it is me Fran, but at work so not my typical id.)

Lauralew said...

Oh Kirsten. I can't believe you got this in an email. What if she had not been available when you called back?

Prayers, dear. Can't come and love you with hugs and errands in person but can love and pray for you from afar. (((Kirsten)))

Anonymous said...

Prayers, prayers, more prayers.


eileen said...

Prayers ascending in abundance. (((((You)))))))

Kayko said...

Ugh - indeterminacy and waiting. Sending prayers specifically for peace in times of waiting.

claire said...

Imagine all of us standing guard, around you, filling all the space in which you are with our prayers and our love; our thoughts and hope.

But the One truly next to you, waiting with you... Ah... He is right next to you and he has all the love in the world just for you.


Anonymous said...

Praying for you, dear Kirstin. This waiting time must be terribly hard on you. Sending you prayers for peace of mind.
With much love,
Mary Beth & Mary Lee

Alison said...

prayers love and good wishes, to you every day, winging through the aether from Acorn Cottage... as always
from alison

it's margaret said...

Limbo is hell.

Don't try being strong. Just be where you are.

Love you.

susankay said...

I am SO not good with uncertainty -- sad, because I think that is where trust in God lies. You are amazing and have my prayers and hope.

Anonymous said...

sending you more love, Kirstin, and virtual hugs... May God's Peace be with you in abundance.
With our love,
Mary Beth & Mary Lee

Beth Foote said...

Praying for you in this time of being "in the middle of it all," and that the peace that passeth understanding will wrap itself around your shoulders.

Göran Koch-Swahne said...

Prayers long distant ascending!

Kat said...

I am there, as much as I can be: sitting with you on your couch, holding your hands and praying. I know you can picture that -- it was just last week. It's still right there, in that place, the peace and presence of the Spirit. Wrap yourself up in it, and like Margaret said, just be where you are.

Sending prayers out like waves, my friend.

Cathy said...

Praying for you - from my heart to yours. May grace and love fill you with strength.

Kirstin said...

Kat, I remember. Thank you.

Thank you all. So. much. love.

Paul said...

Prayers and love. Always.

Wormwood's Doxy said...

Prayers from here too--especially for you to have some relief from the worry.


Jim said...

Prayers ascending. You are always in my prayers but I shall make a special effort in my rosary.


David said...

Prayers, prayers and more prayers
Holding you in love in this raw unknowing.
Kirstin, you'd be surprised how often you come to heart throughout our day.
I wish I could do more, but you've got the prayer and love, love and prayers