Thursday, January 15, 2009

News, medical and other

An e-mail I sent just now, to my faculty and registrar.

Hi all,

I'm based at the Ranch until Epiphany West, having just returned from a whirlwind (day and a half) trip to Berkeley. Dermatologist and oncologist are both pleased with me. My numbers are good (though not, as they were, better than my doctor's); I still feel like crap. I'm still losing weight, though not drastically, and I think I'm eating more. I'm still constantly achey. Even when I've slept as much as my body will, I can't get enough. I can have a conversation, but thinking is extraordinarily difficult.

Field ed mid-year eval went well. That's been the saving grace for so much else: something I can actually do, and love doing. (It's easy for me to be present on the street--maybe more so, because I know what it's like to feel sick continuously.) I sent N. an e-mail saying when she'd get the document; supervisor and I had our conference Tuesday night. Being there is working very well, for me and for them.

I sent L. a bunch of stuff relating to my cross-cultural requirement; thank God I keep a blog. We'll go from there, I'm sure.

I'm considering letting something go from fall, and intentionally letting myself fail it, so I can focus on finishing the things I need to graduate. (I took one class more than I needed this year, for the health insurance.) I "should" have dealt with it earlier--I didn't have the energy to. By the time I realized how long it had been since I had even been to the class, it was too late to drop. I kept thinking I could make it up... and I still kept (keep) choosing sleep. "Need to work. Feel like crap." Sleep wins. I'm not pleased with myself for that choice, but I'm willing to accept it.

As it is, I still have one old requirement I have to make up; an ancient, by now, paper for J. He made it as easy as he could for me. That will be done before spring term.

I'm still surviving--in both the gritting-my-teeth and triumphant meanings of that word. 5 1/2 more months of this.



Two Auntees said...

Glad to hear you are making it through your difficult time.

Grandmère Mimi said...

Peace, love, and prayers to you Kirstin. You are very brave. You do your best and leave the non-essentials aside. What more could anyone ask of you? The tiredness and under-functioning brain suck. I pray that you feel less crappy, and that the medication does well what it's meant to do.

May God bless you and keep you.