Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Thank you

Thank you, to those who commented, and to K for calling me. I love you.

What’s going on has nothing to do with work, or church. You know how you can think you know yourself inside out and backwards, until something jumps out at you that redefines your whole perception? I have abandonment issues a mile wide, that I didn’t even know about until Christmas. (Yeah, and I’ve been in and out of counseling since college.) Rationally I know that what’s triggering them right now is not as big a deal as I’m afraid of. But the terror is still there.

I’m better now than I was yesterday, and better about all of this than I would have been even a month ago. I’m making slow progress. I’m also just tired of having the problem. I am working on it. But reason and exhaustion are not all that it will take to rewire me. It will take time, prayers, love, and patience with everything, including myself. This is one piece of a very long process.

Thank you for checking in with me. Your prayers and your love mean more than you know.

Eileen, I may very well e-mail you; but probably not today. Thanks for the offer.

5 comments:

lj said...

((Kirstin)). I have been on vacation and then with visiting family since returning home, so limited computer time. I'm just catching up with you. We all have our issues, our broken places, our deep wounds. Like you, I'm just discovering some of mine now, after 20-some years of what I've thought of as a fairly "aware" adulthood, complete with therapy, etc. Hang in there. I'll join in holding you in the light. And also, praying with you for the computer issue, which I share. I've not yet made a particular commitment about computer time, but I need to, so maybe we can help hold each other accountable.

Mimi said...

Hugs.

Kirstin said...

lj: You understand. Thank you, so much, for this. Yes, we will pray together.

Mimi: (((Hugs))) back, and thank you. I'm glad you're staying in Oly, even though I don't know when I'll be back there.

Mimi said...

Oh man, me too! Thanks!

eileen said...

(((Kirstin))) Offer stands. Anytime, anytime.

I agree with LJ - we all have our dark places - our broken spots.

And the fear for me comes when I think I have a handle on it, and then, WHAM - something happens and I realize I don't have a handle on it at all.