Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Thank you

I woke up too early, tried to pray and couldn’t. So I wrote a thank-you letter instead:

I can’t possibly respond to everyone individually, even though I want to. Your e-mails, blog comments and Facebook posts have blown me completely away. Your love, grace, and perceptions amaze me. All I can possibly say is thank you. To each of you, to all of you, to everyone.

I asked you to tell me what I mean to you. You did. You tell me I am a light to you. You are and have been lights to me. And those who haven’t answered that specific request—I can feel your love, sense your prayers. I know how many arms embrace me; how many hands hold me up. And I know I couldn’t count them. I treasure my relationships with all of you.

You who receive me as family, thank you. Teachers and friends who challenged, nurtured, loved and supported me through seminary, thank you. You who keep me aware that New Orleans still loves me, thank you. All of you who saw the light in me before I could bring myself to believe there could be one, thank you. Thank you Trinity, for embracing and supporting me. All of you who have made the Ranch another welcoming home: staff and families, friends I have met there, thank you. Online friends whom I’ve never met in the flesh, but know through love, shared witness and time, thank you. Friends of Andee’s who love and pray for me, thank you. You who have given me gifts along the cancer road: love, hope, a rock, a circle of saints, hospital visits, your presence, prayers, and time, thank you. You who hosted, fed, and loved me on my walkabout in SoCal and Arizona: thank you, I love you, and I’m so glad I had that time with you. (Olympians, I still hope I can see you, and I love you so very much.) You who wrap me in love no matter what I’ve done, laugh with me and challenge me, stay with me in the rock tumbler and point my eyes to the love and consolation of God, thank you and I love you forever.

Thank you all for the gifts you freely and lovingly give. I’m so glad I share the planet with you. Gratitude for you keeps me connected to God. I go in and out of that connection, but I need it more than breath. Thank you for showing me so much love.

I know my prognosis in academic, statistical terms, thanks I suppose to journal articles I found while searching for melanoma brain mets and radiation. I’ll talk to my oncologist on Friday. I needed to make sure I said this, and I don’t know how long I’ll have the ability to. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Love always,
Kirstin

17 comments:

Rachel said...

Thank YOU.
much love from an old bloggy friend and quiet pray-er. R

Wormwood's Doxy said...

(((Kirstin)))

WV is "uniti"--how odd is that?

Jill Kerr said...

Did you know that you have helped me to be a better parent? You told a story once (I think it was about breaking a dish at someone's house, and tensing up because you thought they'd be furious at you), and the entire point of the story was feeling, for the first time, like YOU were more important than a "thing" to somebody. Well, that made a huge impact on me. So now, I remember that. In those times when my gut instinct is to get frustrated with my daughter, I remember your story, and it calms me. I always try to let her know, in tangible ways, that she is much, much more important to me than "things".

That's only one example of many ways your friendship has enriched my life. Knowing you has been a gift, even though we've never met in the flesh. You mean so much to me. I don't know why you're on this journey, but I DO know that you have changed lives.

Tammy said...

Good morning, Kirstin. Your thank you note is absolutely beautiful, just like you! I am particularly pulling an image from some Easter celebration at the Grange. You are smiling a huge smile and wearing an outrageous Easter bonnet! Your smile is infectious and I am so, so glad that I got to "catch" it many times while you lived in Olympia. After living through this experience you are are about to embark on with one of our friends, I am so glad that you are connecting! He lived 7 more years after his first rounds of radiation for brain met....I always could connect with "him"! Sending you deep love and peace for the next steps in this path! Love, Tammy P.

Kirkepiscatoid said...

Kirstin--it's the other way around. Thank YOU.

Cheryl Beckett said...

Sweet, sweet Kirstin, it is I who should thank you. The way you've traveled on your journey - your entire life's journey - not just this bumpy one of the past few years - has always been an inspiration to me. You are the ultimate witness of Christ's love; I can think of no higher (or sometimes tougher!) calling.

You've taught me a lot about forgiveness, acceptance, love, and just being. You've taught me that being true to myself was more important than what others thought of me. That's always been a hard one for me, but thanks to you, it's starting to sink through.

There just aren't adequate words to say who you are and what you mean - not just to me, but to this earthly experience. All I can say is that I love you and that I am so blessed to even get to know such a loving, beautiful person.

MaryC said...

Oh no, thank YOU. You are a light, and you are very, very loved.

And that was maybe the most lovely prayer I've ever read.

You stay in my constant prayers.

SHC (also known as Gator) said...

Even though I'm a grouchy old atheist, I have to agree with something Cheryl said above: "You are the ultimate witness of Christ's love..."

Kirstin, we see the world very differently, you and I. But thanks to knowing you, I see it in a less harsh light.

You have a tag-line quote you use on another forum that says, "When the saints go marching in, it's going to be with every last one of us." I love that. I love you.

susankay said...

Yes, Kristin -- thanks to you and prayers continue.

Kay & Sarah said...

Like others have said the thanks goes to you. For sharing your life, love, fears and all that you have been through. You have made a positive impact on us all. Prayers continue. Love continues.

cbf1 said...

Your gratitude blesses and humbles those who receive it. With it you remind us who God is.... who we are, really are.... the whole truth of us ..... the fragile, imperfect temple built around a divine light. That we are made for God and in God...in each other..in creation, and that each of us was made to interact with the world in a way unique to us, to reveal God's beauty and mystery in a fresh way. The most we can do is to fully incarnate what we were made to be....to burn the whole candle with our light, to drink the cup of life to the dregs until it is fully empty, ready to receive God fully and be filled again who we were before we were born. You have done and are doing that. You are holding up a mirror and in it is revelation.

Lois Keen said...

"...I don’t know how long I’ll have the ability to." Oh, dear Kirstin...God bless you.

eileen said...

(((((((You)))))))) Prayers showering upon you and like the others, I offer my thanks to you, for you. You supported me at a time in my life that I was very confused, and for that I will be forever grateful to you.

suzanne said...

Bless you Kirstin, We all are showering you with prayers and praying extra hard for you on Friday.

claire said...

Kirstin, at this time you look and feel as precious as a feather on Godde's breath :-)
Even if some day you cannot speak your Spirit will continue talking to us and we will each do our best to respond in a way that you will understand.
With all my love.

susankay said...

Kristin -- another thing to say -- we will do all the remembering for you. And we will keep on thanking you. Forever and ever.

Rani said...

i love how well you say something when you do. i've been thinking of you, so much lately.