Epiphany

I’m really posting this as a bookmark for later; to remember that I’ve been here and to walk with it more. I’m too tired to do any actual processing right now. And we’re flying south for what is hopefully my last chemo cycle, tomorrow.  My brain will be absent for the next week.

I stopped to visit a friend, on the way home from the Ranch. We did what we do; talked about everything. I don’t remember what she said that provoked this, and she won’t either because she was jetlagged and could barely keep her eyes open by then. But I said to her, “It’s so much better over here.”

After healing of brokenness; after cancer which didn't break, but healed me. It’s better being through all of that, being truly and fully alive. Not being scared. I am so fucking long-since done with being broken. I love myself now.

I meant it. I've known for most of this journey that I wouldn't take it back. My walk with cancer made me who I am. But until this afternoon, I wasn't through it enough to say it's better on this side. I always knew I would get to this point—but I hadn't realized I was this far already. I made the leap while we were talking. She was there to say that to.

That's what resurrection is.