Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Because the people I care about are more than my address book...

Dear all,

I'm at the Ranch right now, doing what I do before I go south. It's gorgeous; I love fall up here. I won't miss the reason for doing this; but the ritual itself, walking and writing and being... yeah.

A and I fly to Riverside next Tuesday, the 12th. I have my consultation on the 13th and get admitted. Treatment starts the day after. We'll be home the 19th.

It's not the emotional big deal that it was, especially since I know that it's working. I can do damn near anything if it means that I live. Even though I ended up in the ICU the last two times, when my blood pressure crashed; there are meds they give you for it only on that floor. I liked it there; it's quiet, and the nurses are really good. They didn't try to make me walk my bp up at 3 a.m. And each time, the drugs for the side effects get better. It really isn't awful.

The bigger question is how to live, given hope in the moment and total uncertainty beyond it. I'll be working with that for awhile. But, I get to. Pray with me, in that space.

SoCal people: Do what you do best. Visit me. Bring me communion. Bring me yourselves. I'll come down and see you, when I'm not tethered to anything and can actually remember conversations.

"Death of death, and hell's destruction..."

Love to all.



Joel said...

Pray with me, in that space. I shall. And that space is holy, no, in that space is no thing but God in himself, with us in Christ through the Holy Spirit crying out to Our Father in words and Love that our hearts can neither fathom can not begin to sign on our behalf but flow from those now most sacred, most holy, HUMAN hearts. That space, that place of nothing but pure most silent prayer, is but the Silence of the Trinity of Love, at One in Love.

Kirstin said...

Joel, thank you.

Your Franciscan-ness is showing. :-)

kat said...

Joel has said it well. Yes, I'll pray for you, and those who attend you, and those whom you will meet and serve and to whom you will reflect the love of Christ both during this process and on the other side of it.

Love you like the precious gift you are, my friend.

Two Auntees said...

My prayers are with you in that space of hope and uncertainty. As to how to live in that space, you are doing that beautifully and your beauty shines through to everyone.