I'm at the Ranch right now, doing what I do before I go south. It's gorgeous; I love fall up here. I won't miss the reason for doing this; but the ritual itself, walking and writing and being... yeah.
A and I fly to Riverside next Tuesday, the 12th. I have my consultation on the 13th and get admitted. Treatment starts the day after. We'll be home the 19th.
It's not the emotional big deal that it was, especially since I know that it's working. I can do damn near anything if it means that I live. Even though I ended up in the ICU the last two times, when my blood pressure crashed; there are meds they give you for it only on that floor. I liked it there; it's quiet, and the nurses are really good. They didn't try to make me walk my bp up at 3 a.m. And each time, the drugs for the side effects get better. It really isn't awful.
The bigger question is how to live, given hope in the moment and total uncertainty beyond it. I'll be working with that for awhile. But, I get to. Pray with me, in that space.
SoCal people: Do what you do best. Visit me. Bring me communion. Bring me yourselves. I'll come down and see you, when I'm not tethered to anything and can actually remember conversations.
"Death of death, and hell's destruction..."
Love to all.
Tuesday, October 05, 2010