Wind

I went for a slow hike this morning. It wasn’t hot yet, unlike yesterday. I needed and wanted to be outside. But my legs, depleted already, were dragging. I would take a handful of steps and stop. I would just stand, or sit, and be, for no idea how long. And then walk a bit again. It was accidentally meditative.

I noticed the wind. I made my way down the hill as the fog burned off. There were lots of little breezes. Every so often, I felt a gentle coolness on my skin. The wind would brush me, and brush past me. I would smell the earth, and the sweet dry grass.

Every time I felt it, I thought, “This will carry you. The wind will carry your memory.”

I’m not romancing death. I’m not yet dying. I have a very serious, most often fatal illness, which is moving at an unpredictable speed. I feel sick from the treatment, but not yet from the cancer. I am very much alive, and I would rather stay here.

Still, that is how the wind struck me. And it was completely okay.